eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
