Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This baby is an asshole
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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