Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
