im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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