There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
