i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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