I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
