Too much gin, very little bucket
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
