i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize