Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
