just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize