You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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