last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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