these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
