Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
