it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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