xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
