Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
