i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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