And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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