Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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