Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
