I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
