First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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