did you get engaged???
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
