my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the liver wants what the liver wants
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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