oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
