Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
