I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
