Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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