We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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