yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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