oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize