we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
