your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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