if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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