Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
