how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
