when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
