my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
