On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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