Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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