Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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