trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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