I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
