ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
