i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
