we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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