maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
