i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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