and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You made out with two different species that night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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