So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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