just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
