arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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