Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
