The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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