and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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