It's like God shit irony all over that family
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sarcasm needs its own font
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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