there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
