thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize