And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We have so much sex to catch up on
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
