Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
