Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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