went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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