So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I cockslap morals
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
