come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
