Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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