So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
