areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
