You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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