why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
